You've never played football. Here are the four things to learn before signing your kid up.

It is Saturday morning. Your seven-year-old is on a pitch fifty metres away, in a small mob of new under-7s, doing a drill that looks like organised chaos. You are on the sideline with three other parents who are talking knowledgeably about positioning, formation, the under-9 girls last week. You nod. You are holding a coffee. You did not grow up with football. You think your kid will work it out before you do. You are not wrong to think that, but you are also not as far behind as the conversation makes you feel. The parent who never played football is not the disadvantage you think it is. There are four things to learn, in this order, and not by watching highlight reels on YouTube. By the end of this article you will know which four they are and why the order matters.